LOUIS BOURKE Culture | Contact

It has been 11 days since Prime Minister Scott Morrison demanded the Chinese Government apologise for a “repugnant” tweet featuring an Australian soldier murdering an unarmed civilian in the style of memes your cousin who owns over a dozen guns shares on Facebook.

Not wanting to look weak, the Morrison government has announced they are officially desperate but might just have the solution to this international relations nightmare.

“Oi Xi Jinping if you’re watching,” said Mr Morrison directly down the lens of the camera to address the Chinese leader in case he was watching Australian morning TV.

“There’s only one way to settle this. Mack and Yang. Four o’clock, the pool behind Civic Video. Be there.”

Olympians Mack Horton and Sun Yang are known for winning Olympic gold medals for their respective countries Australia and China, and are also known for bringing boxing style beef back into the soggy ring.

“I called him a drug cheat because he got in trouble for trying to cheat with drugs,” said Horton, really trying his God darn hardest to not sledge.

“My Insta has been poppin off ever since. There’s 1.3 billion Chinese people and they all hate me.”

But now the rival swimmers hold the dignity of their homelands in their oversized paddle-ready hands.

The swim is to take place in the subterranean Beijing canals which have been home to a troupe of underground street swimmers since the mid 1880s, having grown in popularity in recent years due to a Business Insider expose which sent the practice mainstream.

The landmark event has been made possible due to both countries ignoring several Covid safe protocols with Australia even investing in a special pool plane so Horton can practice on the flight over.



Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here