Sports

Suburban Footy Club Legend Returns From Injury Looking Fatter Than A Broncos Home Crowd

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Former first-grade prop Sean Evans (29) has today decided that his knee is better. After having to sit at home and see Facebook photos of his old team mates on the piss after three weeks of trial matches for The Betoota Dolphins, Sean has skipped the final few appointments with his knee doctor - and announced 'she'll be right'. However,...

NRL Player Who Tackles With His Head Fails To See Issue With Concussions

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact James Graham, a Rugby League player whose preferred tackling style is with his head, has today doubled down on his assertions that there is nothing wrong with a few head knocks here and there. Despite an overwhelming body of evidence stating otherwise, the English prop told The Advocate this morning that if you are scared of concussions then...

David Warner Admits He Was On The Sauce For The Whole 2018 South African Test Series

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Following in the footsteps of the esteemed One Nation Party, David Warner has today publicly tried to blame something stupid he did on the grog. A year on from the infamous ball tampering incident in Cape Town, the OLED enthusiast told media today that he was actually on the sauce for the entire 2018 South African Test series. This...

Greg Inglis Cleared Of Drink Driving Charges After It Was Revealed He Was On The Sauce

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT South Sydney's Greg Inglis will retain the Rabbitohs captaincy and will not be penalised any further by the club after having his 18-month good behaviour bond quashed today. The court sentence related over a drink-driving charge over four months ago, but today it has been overturned by the Lithgow magistrate. Souths general manager of football Shane Richardson told NRL.com the...

After One Boxercise Class This Local Big Fella Now Understands Mundine’s Supreme Confidence

TRACEY BENDINGER | Social Nuances | Contact Anthony Mundine’s claims that he can beat anyone in a boxing fight have made sense to a Betoota Grove man this morning after he completed his first boxercise class at Silver’s Gym. Matt Buxton (29), a weak bloke by anyone’s standards, came steaming out of the gym filled with adrenalin and a false sense of skill following the...

NRL Investigating High Profile Player Who Allegedly Hasn’t Been Taking It One Game At A Time

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact For the NRL executives who thought the scandals were over for another year, this morning has come as a rude shock. The Betoota Advocate can exclusively reveal that another bomb shell is set to be dropped on the game, with the NRL Integrity Unit investigating a high profile player for bringing the game into disrepute. The 'serious breach of the...

Captive Rugby Nation Set To Host World Cup In 6 Months Not Worth Investing In, Says SANZAAR

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT SANZAAR (South Africa, New Zealand, Australia and Argentina Rugby) - the body which operates Super Rugby and The Rugby Championship - has reportedly decided to axe the only Asian-based franchise in Super Rugby. The Sunwolves, who hail from the third largest economy in the world is expected to be discontinued indefinitely as of 2020. Japan, with 122,368 registered rugby union players,...

NRL Shouts Players Free Piss And Topless Waitresses To Celebrate Two Weeks Without A Scandal

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT "Consider our epidemic of off-field incidents resolved" shouted NRL CEO Todd Greenberg as he loosened his tie and gave a fist pump to the roaring crowd of players and sponsors. "We did it. The boys are playing great footy on the field and are quiet as church mice off the field!" These were the comments heard shouted through a PA...

Egg Boy Pops Over To Watch The Sunday Arvo Footy With His Elderly Neighbour

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The nation's newest hero has continued being an all round good bloke this afternoon by popping over to watch the Sunday arvo footy with his elderly neighbour. The new hero known as Egg Boy explained to our reporters that he knows his neighbour Frank loves the Rugby League, and struggles to find company for the games down in the...

Wallabies Bring Back Baggy Cotton Jerseys In Desperate Effort To Recreate 1990s Winning Culture

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Rugby Australia (RA) has today announced a drastic new measure that it hopes will win the country a Bledisloe With the Japan World Cup just months away now, RA CEO Rob Clarke confirmed this morning that the Wallabies will be kitting themselves out in baggy, loose fitting cotton jerseys from a time when politicians saw out full terms. "We've...

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