Sports

“He Was The Lionel Mes… The Cristiano… He Was Really Good At Soccer” Dad Explains To Mum

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT A recently retired maths teacher from Betoota Heights has today asked her sports mad husband to explain to her what this Argentinian man she keeps seeing on the news is famous for. Angela Persephone (69) says the moment she looked at her Facebook newsfeed this morning, she just assumed a famous sportsman had died - based on the Kobe-like...

You Gave It A Good Crack Old Boy

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The footballing world, the Naples region, and the nation of Argentina is today in mourning after news broke that, arguably, the greatest to ever do it had passed. Diego Armando Maradona, the footballing icon and Argentinian demi-god passed away from a heart attack this morning at the age of sixty. That news has left people across the globe...

Rupert Murdoch Hires 100 New Journalists Within His Degrading Aboriginal Sportsmen Department

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT There is finally some hope for aspiring Aussie journalists today, as the largest media monopoly in the country announces plans to do what no other news publishers are able to do without a $850m dollar tax rebate from the government. Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation will today bring on board close to 100 news reporters, to immediately get to work...

Queensland Rugby League Fans Demand More White Boys From Rocky

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT Tigers hooker Harry Grant has shown why the Maroons powerbrokers have him tipped to takes Cameron Smith's Origin jersey moving forward, after an explosive performance off the bench last night. The dummy-half finished with a try, 67 running metres from seven runs, four tackle busts and two line break assists. With a debut try and a series win to...

The Betoota Advocate Pays Tribute To Betoota Mutts 400-Game-Legend, Steve ‘Mudguts’ Maguire

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The Betoota Advocate would like to formally congratulate Betoota Mutts legend Steve ‘Mudguts’ Maguire on reaching the incredible 400 game milestone. Mudguts now enters a hallowed Bundy Betoota Muttaburrasaurus Hall Of Fame, joining an elite crowd of 5 other former greats. The much loved club figure who missed his 3rd child’s birth for the final game of the 2017 season (and the bus...

Josh Addo-Carr Settles Transfer Rumours And Sets Sights On 2021 Tokyo Olympics

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT While we have seen the last professional game of Rugby League on home soil for the year, the stories from the code keep on coming. With the Maroons led by their talismanic off-field captain Cam Munster at full send right now, the Blues are licking their wounds and taking some well deserved time off. However, one of the Blues...

Origin Players Prepare To Remember What They’ve Talked About, Dig Deep, Back Themselves

The teams for State of Origin Game 3 are raring to go for their winner takes all clash this evening, it can be confirmed.  However, the boys are trying a different approach this round. With Queensland players preparing to remember what they've talked about, dig deep, and remembering to back themselves. The preparation for the Queensland Maroons has been quite familar this...

Largest Crowd Of Covid Era, Absolutely Necessary For An Origin Decider Confirms Queensland

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT The great State of Queensland has today thrown its support behind Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk ahead of the Origin decider.  With everything on the line, and the NSW Blues at least six series away from matching the height of sporting achievement that was 8 in a row, the Premier has allowed a full house at Lang Park. This comes after the...

New Zealand Heads Back Into Lockdown After Second Consecutive All Blacks Loss

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Our neighbours across the ditch are facing a grim couple of weeks after a fresh national emergency has plagued the island nation. With the All Blacks suffering a historic second loss in as many weeks, the Prime Minister of New Zealand has ordered a fresh lockdown. The All Blacks fell to a dominant Argentinian team 25-15 on Saturday,...

Scientists Still No Closer To Finding Out Why Anybody Would Intentionally Watch Televised Golf

FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact Scientists from CSIRO’s Behavioural Analysis Division have been forced to admit they still have no idea why people continue to watch golf on TV. The embarrassing admission from Australia’s peak scientific body has thrown the future of the project in doubt with a government insider admitting the Division is up for a ‘Budget Review’.   “At first we thought that the...

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